Tuesday, September 29, 2009

News Flash! Sawah Pawin can wite! Special Edition of Brain Drain Fun!

So Sawah Pawin is coming out with a book. WOW!! She'd been working on it since resigning as Governor. Must be a very short book indeed, I mean, where did she find the time to learn to write so quickly? Well, folks, if you see any words written in capital letters, don't ask; probably typed out by none other than SUZY ALLCAPSLOCK, herself.

I usually don't do Brain Drain Fun during the week, but what the hell, it's my Birthday & when you're a cranky tired old gen-exer, Birthdays don't tend to be fun anymore & it doesn't really take much to entertain myself. So here is a Brain Drain Fun moment. Besides, sometimes, certain rules are just made to be broken.

For tonight's Brain Drain Fun, I'm going to venture what the contents of Sarah Palin's book just might be: 

Hello, boys & girls; let me tell you a story.
I lived in a little town called Wasilla, Alaska. You know where that is: you can see Russian from the front porch!
I was the prettiest girl in all the land. So pretty, I won the Miss Wasilla pageant. But then, something terrible happened. I wasn't the prettiest girl in Alaska. Two other girls were prettier than me. NOT FAIR!!
I went to...lesseee....(counting on her fingers) .....5; yeah! 5 colleges. I flunked out of the other 4 because I couldn't spell the school names correctly. But I did it!! In only 6 years too!!
I went on TV to do a show about sports.
I married a prince named Todd.
I like guns & nobody better take mine away! I like to hunt & ride my snowmobile... the bigger, the more pollution, the better! YAY!!
I eat moose hamburgers...vegetarians are villains!
I have 5 children.
My oldest girl, Bristol is a verrrry bad girl! She went out out with a bad boy named Levi & they made a baby! They sinned! Will God forgive us all?
I met an old man named John McCain. He asked me to be vice-president!
Oh, & let me teach you something: The difference between a hockey mom & a pit-bull is lipstick!
I learned about a big store called Niemen Marcus. It was fun!
Some bad people bothered me. 
Some mean French radio hosts from...uh lessee now...uh...I think....Montreal played a mean trick on me. They pretended to be the president of France. How was I supposed to to know the president of France didn't speak English?
There was a mean lady called Tina Fey. She was jealous of me, so she pretended to be me.
Then we lost to a very bad man named Barack Hussein Obama.
John McCain wasn't very nice to me no more: he wouldn't even let me talk on TV.
Some bad people came to Alaska to take away all my new princess clothes.
More bad people bothered me.
Levi the bad boy who took my little girl's innocence away told bad things about me to a magazine.
More bad people bothered me. I couldn't be governor no more...too many bad people. ... 
Bad Barack Obama wants to set up a death panel so everybody in all the land can get free health care.
I want to be president to rule the world 2012. Yeah, I'll show 'em. I'll show all these mean people who bothered me & teased me.
That, boys & girls is how we live a good life. Go to a Protestant church;  eat wild meat, don't eat vegetables, don't touch each other.  Polar bears are not part of the endangered species list. Always remember your fwend, Sawah Pawin.

The End

See? Nothin' to it. Memoirs: that would imply memory & memory would require some cognitive function.

If anybody has anything they would like to add, speculating about this book, please post them in the comments section.

I think for the week-end brain drain fun, I may throw together pictures that might be in that book. We'll see.

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